Don’t delay – live the life of your dreams now
It is wise to regularly take stock of life and be willing to ask yourself the direct question:
Am I the person I want to be in this moment?
Pause, check in with your body. If the answer is maybe…or even no… it is essential to ask some follow-ups
· Are the people I’m in relationship with supporting the person I want to become?
· Is the environment I’m in facilitating becoming who I want?
· What do I need to change to become the person I want?
· Am I willing to make that change?
There were a few years I let pass when the answer to first question was a firm “NO” but I refused to ask the second or third or fourth question. I deep down knew the answers- but thought that with enough time or enough work on myself, the answers could change. If I waited, it may not mean delaying the inevitable, it could mean not hurting anyone else, majorly disrupting my life, or stepping out on my own.
I finally decided I wanted to change. When I did, it became impossible to ignore that my marriage and my environment were not supporting me in the person I wanted to become. This does not mean my ex was not supportive of me, but rather the dynamic of the relationship did not bring out my best self.
Once I noticed, I realized I had known this truth for a long time and hid it from myself in hopes it would change. I delayed a painful decision by years, building and moving in certain direction that ultimately caused more pain than if I would have left on an earlier check in with myself. If I waited for more milestones – let’s say after having kids (which did seem like a good idea to save the relationship in the moment), or after parents’ deaths, or after kids moved out – I imagine the pain of delay would only grow. Because there is no practice run, this is the only life we have. It is too short to do what we think we are supposed to do instead of taking risks on where our intuition guides us.
When I did leave my marriage, he said he wished we would have never gotten married knowing this would be the outcome. People say all sorts of things in pain so I am unsure if this is 100% true. And yet, this sentiment served as the seal of our path coming to an end – confirming that no matter how much I gave, it would never be enough. There is another lesson there I will share if you can relate to over-giving with no end in sight of when it will prove your intentions or effort or worth – in work or love.
But this is not a post about regret. I don’t hold it. It is about acting now. Make the change when you are just plodding along but not necessarily in the direction you want.
Check in regularly with yourself. Ask the hard questions, be willing to look at yourself squarely in the mirror, move forward anyway with the question knowing the answer could mean disruptive change. Be brave in making the changes to live the life of your dreams. Start now.
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